Navigating Social Anxiety
This time we’re going to talk about Social Anxiety!
As a psychotherapist, I often work with Millennials, Gen Z and Gen Alpha who face the challenges of balancing in-person interactions with the pressures of social media and always being "on."
While these generations navigate dating, friendships, schooling, careers and family life, the impact of social anxiety can hit hard.
The good news is that there are some practical strategies to manage social anxiety and reclaim your self-confidence.
1. Recognize and Challenge Negative Thoughts
One step is becoming aware of assumptions from our social interactions that can spike our anxiety. While this is just a guide, remember that deeper work may need to be done 1-1 in therapy to consistently use these tools.
We can start off by identifying some common, unhelpful thoughts such as “Everyone is judging me," or "I’m going to embarrass myself.”
In these instances, try to ask yourself: “What else could be true” “what else could people be thinking?” What proof do I have to support this thought?" or "What’s the worst that could happen, and how likely is it to happen?"
More often than not, others are too focused on their own lives than to be judging you. Even if they do judge you, a helpful phrase to remind yourself of could be “It’s not my job to know what others are thinking about me.” Reminding yourself that it is human nature to categorize things, and even you do it, can be helpful to normalize the human experience and that other’s thoughts about you is none of your concern. It can help you accept what isn’t in your circle of control and focus more on step 2:
2. Remind Yourself: What Is In Your Circle of Control?
If you find yourself getting stuck on having to present or navigating a date, ask yourself: “What IS in my circle of control?” This can give you some ideas as to how to place to support yourself in these situations. Maybe what’s in your control is practicing or studying for that presentation or test. Maybe it’s making sure you have a comfortable outfit that boosts your confidence. Maybe it’s having a buddy in a social situation to help bridge the conversation, or pre-planning some topics of conversation. Or lastly, maybe it’s coming up with some coping strategies such as taking breaks, leaving the social situation early or naming things in your head that start with the letter “C.” When we focus our attention on what we CAN control, it can help with reducing social anxiety surrounding the things that we CANNOT control.
3. Practice Self-Compassion
Millennials, Gen Z and Gen Alpha are no strangers to perfectionism, especially with the constantly curated nature of social media and getting likes, views and followers. Allow yourself to make mistakes (both online and in person) or have awkward moments—because they’re a natural part of being human. In fact, those moments might be the reason that someone really enjoys being around you. Being authentic and genuine and showing compassion for ourselves in our toughest moments can attract others to us even more than the perfect and curated version of you. Focus on authentic connections with people who make you feel good about yourself and remind yourself that you are still a work in progress and don’t have to have it all figured out just yet. You wouldn’t criticize a friend for having an awkward moment (maybe you’ll laugh about it together later) so why do it to yourself? Practice talking to yourself in the same way that you would a friend or family member going through a difficult time and see how your mindset and behaviour change.
4. Gradual Exposure
It’s important to respect who you are and that stepping out of your comfort zone doesn’t have to be extremely uncomfortable. If we were to put things on a scale, doing some small exposure activities that you would rate a 2/10 for anxiety would be better than starting off at the 10/10 activities. Some examples could be doing some small social situations or time-limited that are slightly outside of your comfort zone. This could be joining a small group activity, attending an event with some people you know and some you don’t, or focussing on having one small focussed conversation with someone over a date or an event vs imagining how you’ll navigate the entire thing. Over time, the more you expose yourself to social situations, the more confident you’ll become and that will feed your motivation to want to do things more after having positive experiences.
5. Use Mindfulness Techniques
Mindfulness can help you stay grounded in the present moment, preventing your mind from spiraling into "what-ifs." Simple practices, like deep breathing (slow, steady, paced in through your nose, out through your mouth), using the 54321 technique or naming things in a category (i.e. things that are blue, that start with the letter B, that you bring to school) can help you stay calm and centered in social interactions.
Managing social anxiety is a journey, but with practice and patience you can take back control and build your confidence both online and offline.
As is for anything, if you continue to struggle with symptoms of social anxiety for more than six months, it may be time to talk to a therapist.
We’re always here for a free 15 minute consult: Book Here
With Kindness,
Dannika